Ok. It's sad, but i just can't let this go.
(I'm bolded, and David is in normal type)
I just wanted to ensure that you fully understand my reaction to your little *rant*. Here are the thoughts that entered my mind as i read your post.
GRAG!!! This makes me so fricking angry! I try to make Jen feel better about her missing Jeremy over the next four days by giving her an example of a time that Shannon were apart for a long time
Yes David. Saying how much worse it was for you is sooo very helpful. Why, it made me feel so much better that i lashed back!
and how hard it was and saying be grateful it's only four days, and what is done?!??? It is thrown right back into my face! GAH! Being told, oh I already know how it feels, the situations are different...
Well, they *are* different. You can't estimate how i feel until you've lived my situation.
Well guess what, you can sure bet your ass the situations are different, I see Shannon pretty much six days a week. She has become a part of my life, a part of me. I depend on her. When we're apart it feels like something is missing.
and i ---- don't depend on him? I don't feel like a piece of me is missing when he's gone?
So don't go comparing being apart in the summer, in the infancy
Now wait a sec. Let's just stop right there. 'infancy'? INFANCY?! Are you on fucking crack? That 'infancy' was at 10 months. Are you trying to call me a child?
of a relationship, for a long time to my being apart for nearly five weeks from someone who has been part and parcel of my life for a year and a half to that!
Is the length of your relationship supposed to impress me into submission? Cause all it's making me do is see just how pompous you are. You are so full of yourself!
Do you have any idea what it is like not to be able to talk to that person, when you share all of your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, your fears with her? When she knows just by hearing your voice what your mood is? When you can sit in silence for three hours, just watching the world go by and not feel the least bit awkward??? Do you have any idea what it is like to have no contact what so ever for almost an entire month with that person, that person that has insinuated (do you even *know* what insinuated means? Cause that sentence makes no sense. Let me help you out. "insin'uate vt. hint" Oh yeah, she's totally 'hinted' herself into your life. smooth.) herself into your life so that you aren't even sure what things were like before hand???
Change every 'her' into a 'him' and hell yes. I do have an idea. I do know. I tried to say that. But i guess an 'infant' couldn't possibly identify that kind of emotion, right? And by the way, you misspelled beforehand. it's one word. Gee, that really takes away from the 'seriousness' of your rant.
This is not an obsession, oh no, these are deep seated feelings and a bond that took TIME to grow. It frustrates me that you think you can just step in and all of a sudden say "Yes, I know what you are thinking, but mine is worse."
Um, i think you're confused. YOU stepped in and said "Yes, i know what you are thinking, but mine is worse." Or did you forget that already?
Well guess what? It might not be!!! I tried to make you feel better, but no, accepting it and saying, "Gee, thanks David, it's nice of you to put things in perspective, maybe you're right."
Accepting *what* exactly David? The fact that my relationship with Jeremy is obviously so trivial that i couldn't possibly miss him enough to earn your approval? I don't think so.
You pretty much said "No David, I don't think so." I'm sick and tired of people doing that! I try to help but people are too caught up in themselves that they think that I'm being totally self-righteous or that I can have no idea what it's like to be them.
Yeah, i said that. Cause what you told me was that i wouldn't miss him. I believe your exact words were "Trust me Jen, not seeing Jeremy for four days is nothing. You'll miss him a bit, but"... and there's that *but*. I'll miss him a *bit*, but... not really. But... not as much as i miss Shannon when she goes away. But... you guys are really just friends, you'll probably forget he even left. Is that what you were thinking? huh?
Honnestly, sometimes I just think to myself, fuck it, who cares, if they're going to react that way, is it really worth it?
First, you misspelled honestly. Wow, David, and i thought you were smart. Typos really take away from the effect of a good rant. Now you just look like a fool to me. Yeah, that's right, i'm laughing at you. And i'm enjoying it. Second, no, it's not worth it, so why don't you stop trying to run other people's lives?
I don't think so. Grrr. I'm just becoming unintelligible, so I'm going to stop now.
*whew*! Thank goodness he decided to stop the madness! My feelings were almost hurt!
If I've offended or hurt any of you in my rage, I whole heartedly apologize, but to some of you,
Aw, you don't mean me, do you Davey? Gee, whatever did i do? *pukes* You make me sick. Riiight, you *apologize*. Ok then.
I did not invite you to read this blog, and what you read here you read at your own risk. Like it or lump it this is how I think and that's all I have to say about that.
Well, if that's all you have to say, i'm disappointed. I expected you to have at least one good point... i mean, you typed a whole lot to say absolutely nothing, except to prove you're even more stuck-up than i thought. So wait, if my calculations are correct -- and they always are, then i see that... I did absolutely nothing wrong, and you're just acting like an oversized two year old! Yep, that's definitely it. Sound self-absorbed? That's what i took from you every day i sat with you on the bus. Every day that i listened to you talk. I'm so great, and they're so bad. Me and Shannon have lasted forever... blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong. I really like Shannon, i think she's great. I think it was really brave of her to stand up and take math by correspondence, even though she has to do it alone now. But you? nope, definitely don't like you. I forgave you once for stabbing me in the back. But this. This is unforgivable.
b00m! goes Friday, December 20, 2002
I think i'm gonna cry.
Listening to: Love and Basketball - Our Destiny
ok, here comes a spiel about Jeremy, so if you wanna skip the obsession, don't read the next paragraph...
I'm shaking a little. I just talked to Jeremy, and i'm so sad now. He's leaving at midnight for Saskatchewan, and he won't be back until the 23rd. I'm going to miss him so much! I guess it never really hit me until he said "i gotta go, i hafta pack." And i realized this was the last time i'd be talking to him until the 24th seeing as he won't be home until late of the 23rd. I felt like i had to say something. Tell him something... but i wasn't sure what. I never got the chance. We said a quick goodbye, and now i'm missing him already. I don't know what it is. I think i feel a little wierd because, originally, going into the dance yesterday, i wasn't planning on dancing with anyone, and when Ryan asked me, i told him i couldn't, cause i'd feel guilty about it later, even though i don't think Jeremy would mind. But later i did dance with him, and i was right, i feel bad about it. But i can't figure out why. He's a good friend of mine, and it's not like i'm suddenly thinking, "well, maybe i like Ryan." Cause i DON'T. I just think that this will add to the pain i'm feeling from Jeremy's absence. Although i have discovered one good thing. Because we go to different schools, and i don't see him very often, when i do get to be with him, it's so much better. It makes every moment more precious, and i think that's great. I love you baybee.
Alright, enough about that, are you done puking? lol. sorry bout that folks. Anyways.
I found out that three more people i thought were clean are druggies and have been for at least a year or two. That hurts. It's not hurt because they haven't told me until now. It's hurt because i'm now a giant stressball. I am the kind of person who worries. And now a couple more of my close friends are causing me worry. I don't know how many, if any at all, of the people who read this blog do or have ever tried doing drugs, but i hope i offend you when i say that is the stupidest fucking thing you can ever do. And no, that's not a typo, if you're doing drugs, then i DO want to slap you in the face. Important to know, however, that i am not directing this to the - what? 4 or 5 people who read this, i'm directing it at the whole world. But only you guys will see it. I'm almost in a state of panic. These are my friends. These are poeple i care about. What happens if they get caught, get sent to jail, or worse, get mugged or killed or something in some big drug war. Ok, i know that sounds stupid, because i'm overreacting. But the truth is, these people are in so much danger of getting into serious trouble. And there's no way in hell i'm going to rat them out. Right, that'll be the day. But i will worry... what am i supposed to do?
I also found out something i wasn't supposed to know. And now i can't tell anyone. But hell, why am i talking about it then?
I worked with Doug tonight. I found out he's really not a bad guy... he's just really really slow at work. I get so frustrated because it gets busy and he can't handle it so i end up doing both our jobs. ARG. ah well, what are ya gonna do, right?
Jeremy's probably leaving his house for the bus station right now. I can't help but think, i hope he misses me like hell. Then when he gets back, he'll be all the happier to see me. Have fun, hunny. And bring Shawnie back so i can see him too.
G'night all.
girlie let loose @
11:01 PM | Baby, you make me precipitate.
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